-          “There wasn’t a way in hell I could’ve possibly learnt how to shoot in 2 days, I had never even fired a gun in my life at that point. I think anyone would’ve read the writings on the wall and just… left. But not me, not starry-eyed youthful Eliza. Hey- as youthful as I get. I’m aware of my background.”
I chuckled between thoughts.
“But, well. I had to get that job, it was that or starving to death, and I sure as hell wasn’t starving right as I finally got out of orbit.”
“…” The alcohol is getting to me, I can feel latency in my eyes, like a poorly wired camera.

“So, I decided I’d wire a device that would do it for me. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t hard either, I’d been experienced in gun manufacturing and steelworking thanks to The Station. It just felt like taking a test for the semester…”
I finished my drink and asked Ansel for another one, I’m not a fan of alcohol, and it still burns my intestines a little bit, but the soft honey it just… Ah, right. I forgot I’m supposed to be entertaining here.
“The design turned out to be way simpler than I thought, I probably could’ve done with a camera tripod, but I needed something more sturdy, for any scenario, for any day; something that could go through any mission. So I built my own, and then I had a precision rifle that would stay aimed, even after firing… The camera rig wouldn’t have been able to do that, nor my body.”

“If you haven’t noticed yet, there was a second problem that became increasingly glaring as I finished producing the stand, I had no idea how to read a sight. Mils? Windage? Drop? Coriolis? I could’ve learnt them given enough time to digest the information, but there wasn’t. I needed something that would take information from the world and… automagically process it. …Man, fuck this.”
I take off my tracksuit jacket, it’s getting in the way, and the alcohol’s making me feel fuzzy. I’m not used to these temperatures.

“The rangefinder and the anemometer would get tied to a computer to calculate all the stuff I still can’t process mentally. In truth it’s just an absurdly redundant spaghetti-code monster of spreadsheets and what-have-you. I’m not proud of it today, I’ve… majorly reworked the systems. At least to the point where I’m satisfied with it right now, maybe tomorrow I’ll hate it too.”
“It ultimately befell upon me to count the mils. At the time, I mean. The system does that for me now, but I really did have to learn how to read milliradians. I’d just take the computer’s range and wind mildot measurements and try to find something I knew the height of.” I’m getting giddy just thinking about all the trouble I went for to just create such a tremendous piece of shit. My past self would think of me as a genius if she saw what I managed to come up with. “And then I showed up to Aiko. I tried my best to follow job regulations just like they taught me. Just imagine me dressed in the tackiest thrift shop two-piece suit you could conjure with your mind. I looked like a Sunday noon mass choir-boy. Bowed deeply with 13 kilograms of equipment to my side; “Thank you for choosing me, I am thoroughly grateful.” And then- I mean, I know now because of Aiko, but I thought I was doing well. Completely unbeknownst to me, I was sweating as if bearing false witness, my voice was cracking and unsure, and I didn’t look her in the eyes once.”
 
“The deed itself was… man.” I take a swig “I’m plenty sure it’s normal in this line of work but, it felt good. I suppose the target being easily justifiable as evil helped the first few weeks, but it did make me think a lot...” Ah- fuck, I just remembered, I’m starting to giggle uncontrollably at the memory. “H-hey, hey, Ansel, you heard this one before? What’s the first thing you feel when you kill someone?” He snorts the second he recognizes it before retorting “The recoil.”, I erupt into laughter and see him chuckling gently. “Christ… Aiko told me that one like not 5 minutes after I’d done it. It caught me so off guard I couldn’t stop laughing.” I can see myself smiling in the reflection of the wine. I try to wipe it, but my movements feel sluggish. “She’s real kind, after that night she told me she’d be hiring me permanently.” No smile to wipe, I now wipe tears off my face. “Do what you can. You couldn’t shoot, but you could build. And now you can shoot.” … “Those words have remained in my head since the moment I heard them. She knew where I was from, she knew in there you’re forced to do things and if you can’t do them, then you’re useless. It just. You know? It made me so happy, I felt free, even though I’d been off The Station for weeks. For the first time in my life, I didn’t feel lonely. In that second I had felt as if someone finally understood me- and…” I look over to Dunne.
-          “Dunne are you fucking sleeping!?” The sudden realization results in an unjustified emotional outburst.
-          “Wha- wh- No, no! I was listenin’ aye! You were talking about… uh-… rangefinders?”
-          “God, you are unbelievable! I pour my soul for you, I open up to you, and you just fall asleep!?”
-          “Come on lass! I ain’t mean it like that!” This wretched man pleads, bed-hair and dazed look on his face.
-          “Ansel, this useless… twat is paying for the drinks.”
-          “What! No- no, come on man, I just- I was catching me self some sleep aye? No harm there innit so?” He now begs to Ansel
-          “No can do, messieur customer. Ignoring a lady is most un-gentleman-like. Shan’t forgive you for that.” He’s clearly enjoying kicking Dunne while he’s on the floor, I leave them to bicker back and forth as I go out the bar, putting my tracksuit and coat back on. The coat is a bit dirty from use this evening. Well, I call it a coat, but it’s just a really big jacket.
As I open the door to my car, I hear from behind
-          “Woah, Eli, won’t happen so. Out the car.” Dunne pulls me away using the slack on my coat as if some stray cat
-          “Hands off ye pig!” He laughs when he hears me say that.
-          “Aye, yer learnin’! But now’s not tae time fer teachin’, gots to take ye back home first.” I manage to break off from his grasp. Although it wasn’t so much as breaking as just him letting go of me.
-          “Why can’t I just go home myself?”
-          “Look at ye, locked beyond belief, so ye are!” He gestures with his hand, sizing me up from toe to head “Piss-drunk, twisted ‘n stupidized.”
-          “Whatever! I can drive just fine! And- even if I were drunk, you’re drunk too!”
-          “Does that mean yer drunk?”
-          “I never said that!”
-          “So yer not drunk?”
-          “Yes!”
-          “So yer not not not drunk?”
-          “N-no? … Yes! – No, wait, no!” … “Agggghh! You’re so infuriating!” I can’t help but stomp my feet “Whatever! So what if I’m drunk!? My car has autopilot!”
Dunne just stares at me, saying nothing, the slightest expression in his face tells me he’s thinking ‘that’s the most unconvincing lie I’ve heard in my life.’, shame fills me once more.
-          “Okay fine! … It doesn’t have autopilot…”
-          “Aye, that’s fine. Gimme yer keys.” I do as he says, I feel as if my face is showing a thoroughly dejected and pathetic expression, he puts it in a pocket of his.
-          “Dunne…?”
-          “Aye?”
-          “Can I hug you?”
-          “Course you can.”
As I hug him, I burrow my hand into his pocket and get my keys back.
-          “Eli!” He tries to fruitlessly fight back.
Unfortunately, as we’re both too drunk for this shit, he’s incapable of doing anything effective. I just push him and let him fall as I get back in the car and shut the door, trying to hurriedly start the engine.
 The fob is in, I’m feeding gas, but the engine just cranks with no proper ignition. I try once more and again, there’s just no combustion. As I start to realize how pathetic I must look in this horribly failed attempt at escape, I see Dunne just slowly creeping upon the window. He’s not even upset, he’s just kind of disappointed. There’s nothing I want more than to cry right now, just burst into tears at the shame and embarrassment I’m feeling at this very moment. I bump my forehead on the steering wheel and just lay it there for a second before clicking the door safety on the passenger side. It seems Dunne heard it; I can see him going around the hood of the car… Or rather I assume he’s doing so from him going from my left periphery to my right periphery.
He opens the door and sits on the passenger seat. Silence falls upon this vehicle the instant the door is slammed shut and the car stops jingling warnings at us.
…
-          “Sorry.” Is all I can possibly muster to Dunne. I’ve never felt so pathetic before.
-          “…’sfine. It’s yer first time with this much alcohol in you.”
-          “…Yeah.”
 
-          “How… was life up there?” … “I just can’t imagine how ye’v never gotten drunk before… Then again, I can’t imagine being sober myself.”
-          “Lonely.” … “Very.” … “There’s not much to do other than work. There’s no music, no art, no literature… Well, there is literature, but we only have two genres: Patent and Technical Manual.” I look over to him with a slight smirk, but I’m certain my eyes still look defeated. “…Bottom line, up there… You’re not human. You’re a tool.”
-          “Personal expression is easy to burn, but surely ye had someone to talk to… Family? Friends? Coworkers?”
-          “...Funnily enough, the military and security details had coworkers. Maybe they even were friends with each other. In comparison, my line of work didn’t require coworkers, family or friends. However, I was granted a family, considering my father’s service to the Reds. But he left too soon, and he didn’t talk to me very much in the first place. After that, I only really had one…friend. But it was right before I escaped the station.”
-          “What was yer friend like?”
-          “A bit like you, a bit like Aiko. Not sure what happened to her.” I definitely sound reluctant.
-          “…I see. I don’t understand how ye feel, but I assure that yer not just a coworker to me or Aiko.”
-          “What about Yozhu?” Dunne swings his head at me, perplexed, before realizing.
-          “Ah- The brat. Aye, yer just pullin’ my leg with your language jokes again.” He chuckles “You’ve already talked to him, figure it out.” A gentle smile remains on his face. He follows it up with another question:
“Do you still feel lonely?”
-          “No, not at all. Especially thanks to her. She’s always checking up on me for a thing or another, and as annoying as she may be… I kind of appreciate that she’s pesky.”
-          “Ah- mind rollin’ down yer window? This one’s stuck.”
-          “Sure, sorry. I probably fucked that one accidentally while working on it.” “Is this open enough?”
-          “Yeah- yeah, thanks… so- about Aiko… What’s ye think of hers?”
I still have my forehead to the steering wheel, I tilt my head gently towards Dunne when I talk to him, but now I’m just staring at my own shoes thinking about that question.
-          “How do I even begin to tell you? …First and foremost, she’s a good boss. I’ve always relied on her sixth sense for logistics… She’s really good at fighting… great at shooting. Absurdly good looking, when you compare her to the median in this shithole of a city…” “She’s just really kind, too. I like that about her. I suppose any one person that was kind to me first would’ve gotten that title, but it was Aiko. There may be many nice people in this world, but this one is mine.” I chuckle at the idea of Aiko finding this obtuse reference funny.
-          “Talk about a Lost Cause.” I hear from my left, I jolt and stare in disbelief, open eyed, at Aiko. She’d been there, probably from the beginning. That means that fucker Dunne- I traverse my sight to his sorry ass
-          “You motherfucker!” He’s desperately trying to hold his laughter, hand on his mouth. I feel thoroughly flushed, and I don’t know if I’m red from the alcohol or from embarrassment.
-          “Don’t be like that Eli, come on, off the helm, I’ll drive you two home.” I’m about to follow her orders before I remember this is my car.
-          “Uh- Chief, I don’t have rear seats.” She looks over, bare metal finish and a roll cage prevent anyone from sitting there. Usually you wouldn’t see it past the blacked-out windows.
-          “Alright, so just sit on Dunne’s lap.” Nonchalantly as ever, this woman spits out the second worst thing possible in this scenario.
-          “Err- Aiko- I don’t bel-“ Dunne attempts to delay the inevitable. Aiko cannot be bargained with.
-          “Do as I say or your salary’s getting halved.”
I immediately scoot over to Dunne and sit on his leg. He’s too big to share the seat, but I’m too small to take his entire lap.
-          “Ah, I forgot, the car didn’t start when-“ The car suddenly starts rumbling, Aiko cannot be bargained with.
The ride home was excruciating, it was shameful, but I didn’t want to speak out against her out of fear for my salary. Dunne didn’t seem to care too much; he was already asleep. He’s always asleep, or drunk, or both. Aiko had a faint smile on her, she was on a good mood tonight it seemed.
-          “…Chief?”
-          “Yeah?”
-          “When did you show up at the bar?”
-          “Ansel rang me up and told me you were trying to start up the car while drunk. Don’t go around making a mess, alright?” She wasn’t mad, she was smiling the whole time, just like when she praised me after my first job. “I paid for your expenses, don’t tell Dunne though, I wanna see him try to pay Ansel even though it’s already been paid.”
-          “Isn’t that kinda mean?” I giggle a little bit thinking about it.
-          “It is, but it’s also funny, and what’s life without a couple pranks and jokes?” “It’s what makes a society cohesive, and coworkers friends.”
-          “I suppose that’s true… Your Lost Cause joke was funny, sorry I couldn’t appreciate it in the moment.”
She belts out a hearty laugh and thanks me. I’m glad she’s my boss… The ones up above are just… mechanical constructs. My section’s boss was the clock.
Mr. Clock told me at 6am I had to be working, at 11am I had to be eating so I could go back to work, and at 9pm I had to be exercising before going to bed. I’m lucky to have been given special treatment, 8 hours of sleep was a privilege. Aiko isn’t like that. Aiko lets me do whatever I’d like, so long as I show up for the job, answer calls and sign documents.
The alcohol’s getting to me, I should be allowed to doze off for a little bit.